Get ready it won’t be long before Chuck and his co-horts will be out to set up a data base and instant check on everyone’s antler collection.

Man allegedly stabs another with antlers

Anchorage Daily News

Published: July 1st, 2010 11:08 PM
Last Modified: July 1st, 2010 11:09 PM

An Anchorage man is accused of stabbing his roommate with deer antlers that he pulled off the wall in the heat of an argument. Jesse Harris, 27, was charged with domestic violence felony assault.
Police say that just after 3 p.m. Thursday they got calls from neighbors about the disturbance in the 2400 block of Douglas Drive in Turnagain. A man was calling for help, a neighbor told police.
When police arrived, they found the victim suffering from stab wounds to his back and ankle. The victim was not seriously hurt.
Police say the men were arguing about the ownership of a vehicle.

Living in Alaska’s backwoods sooner or later you are going to butt heads with a member of the local bear population, that’s a given.  Over the years we’ve had our share, some scary some down right hilarious at least after the fact. Both of these stories are true and none of the name were changed to protect the stupid.

Bears and Taxes

So what has one to do with the other? Be patient I’ll get you there. You see the first summer Jenny and I moved to our homestead we lived in a small back pack tent while all of our gear was being flown in. Our land was almost a mile from the lake the float plane was landing with our stuff. More often than not the air taxi brought loads in faster than we could haul them back to our place. Anything that attracted bears went to the homestead first; what was left on the beach was shoved under a tarp along with a portable radio playing G. Gordon Liddy shows, with the g-man on watch you would think things would be secure from intruders. As I said earlier we were living in a small tent most of the summer. From the time we arrived at our homestead several of the local black bears scoped out food tent, most nights they would check out our perimeter, and that was the extent of things. If one crossed the line a round over the head would convince him to take his business elsewhere. So when our early warning system (our dogs) alerted us to an intruder I naturally assumed it was one of the little black bears. In July its pretty light all night in our part of the country; so I carried a .38 leaving one hand free to swat ‘skeeters. I crawled out of the tent to convince the latest invader pickin’s would be better elsewhere. Have you ever stepped out of your tent in the middle of the night and be eyeball to eyeball with a seven or eight hundred pound brown bear with nothing more than a .38 in your hand; most police departments don’t even use .38’s any more. Situations like that help you to forget the million or so skeeters chewin’ on you. I asked Jenny if she would mind stepping out of the tent and bring the rifle with her while I kept our guest entertained. I don’t know if it was my John Wayne impersonations or the 7mm round over his nose but he decided he didn’t like our hospitality and went on to find other forms of entertainment while we went back to sleep. Still trying to figure the tax connection? Remember I told you some of our things were still on the beach under a tarp? And g-man was on the radio; well this bear was a democrat. The next day we went the lake to pick up a few loads only to find all of our things neatly rearranged over a ¼ mile of beachfront. The radio was nicely folded while a number of boxes had been unpacked and meticulously disorganized; one being several years worth of tax records. Luckily most were still in their zip lock bags without to many teeth marks.

Bears, brakes, and bungee cords

One of my first real Alaska adventures was to drive an John Deere 450 dozer from the lodge where it was stored for the winter and drive it to Danny Thomas’ (Danny Thomas the gold miner not Danny Thomas the actor) mining claims. The trip was about 25+ miles across tundra and swamps. The first trip out was sort of a accident, Danny usually went out by himself. This time the 450 died about 7 or 8 miles out, I was working for the lodge where Danny staged out of while he was coming and going each summer. I drew the short straw and was flown to a small lake a couple of miles from Danny with a backpack load of parts and tools. It was late in the day when we got the dozer running but Danny was anxious to get going again. Danny was also very sociable, a common trait in bush rats, so he ask me if I would like to ride out with him. Sounded good to me it didn’t make any difference that a plane would be out to pick me up or that I had just started my new job. This was an adventure I could always find another job. For the next several miles Danny entertained me with stories of his claim and its history. Seems that his claims was where the mother lode of all mother lodes was located, he just couldn’t find the exact spot, but it was there the guy who sold it to him said so. Danny told me he always spent the night at a trapper friends cabin a few miles from his mining claims, since we were running 9 or 10 hours late because of the break down I assumed we would pull over for the night then stop by their place at a reasonable hour. Not Danny 3 o’clock that morning we pulled into Lawrence’s camp where Lawrence and Mrs. Lawrence were patiently waiting with two of the biggest dogs I had ever seen. The whole time we unloaded Danny was assuring me they were harmless, the dogs were friendly to. We spent the rest of the night on the cabin floor and woke up at the crack of noon to the smell of fresh pancakes fried in bear grease, another first with many more to come over the years. After breakfast Danny and I headed down trail for the last leg of our journey. Lets fast forward a few miles here. Dannys claims were at the mouth of a small creek that ran into the Susitna River. The last mile of the trail started at an area of muskeg then wound through a heavily treed hillside. In Alaska, especially on shaded hillsides ice can hang on until well into June some years. Something else about Danny, he wasn’t big on fixin’ things until they up died. Well at the top of the hill above the claims there was a dip that was ice and this was late May. Like I said before Danny wasn’t big on fixin’ equipment, the grousers on the dozers tracks had been worn slick since the rock was a boulder. So now were a mile from camp with the dozer and a trailer full of the summers supplies sitting on ice, tacks spinning and nobody goin’ any where. An hour later we walked into camp everything else is still at the top of the hill. Danny did keep a well stocked camp I’ll give him that we had all the equipment need to get things unstuck and down to camp. We decided since Danny knew where everything was he would get things organized while I take one of the Hondas back to get some food and sleeping bags. As luck would have it the only thing that would start was an old 3-wheeler, with no brakes and no front wheel drive for climbing hills, oh well I’m off. The first ½ mile was pretty smooth going it was until I hit the steepest most twisted part of the hill before things started down hill. Did I mention Danny was big on was bungee cords, he believed the more the better. This includes bear guns bungeed to the Hondas rack he figured if it fell off the 3-wheeler what was the point of having it in the first place. Back to the story. I was just making it to the top of a steep curve while one of the local grizzlies was coming around the same curve headin’ down, another first for me. So was trying to stop a 3-wheeler without brake on a hill while reaching behind me trying to take 16 bungee’s off a 12ga on the rack behind me. It’s physically impossible to keep a 3-wheeler from rolling down hill while you undo bungee’s and not take your eyes off the grizzly above you. Luckily for me this bear was well fed and had a since of humor. After a short standoff the bear shook his head and headed back up the hill probably thinking what a bear has to put with now days.

Alls well that ends well, I didn’t get bear ate, we got the dozer back to camp,  my boss flew out to pick me up, and I kept my job for 7 more years.